My grandfather once told me in my time of need, to “never let anything scare you so much that you feel like you have to stop living.” This was right after 9-11 happened and I was traumatized by the television’s constant reminders that none of us were safe. The surprising part of this story is that I’m from Maine and had only been to New York once with my grandfather and parents. I had never seen the Twin Towers. My grandfather being the kind of man he was, he took me to Manchester Airport. He made me watch the planes take off and that’s when he told me his legendary quotation.

It was a legendary quotation to me, at least. I lived by it.

He got to prove his wisdom to me. My grandfather was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was in eighth grade. He was always able to fight it until my junior year in high school. They gave him six months that fall. An organization that granted cancer patients their last wish before they died asked my grandfather what he wanted to do. He told them he wanted to take me to New York City. The date was set for November 13th, 14th and 15th. My grandfather never made it to those dates. He died October 13th. I was there minutes before he died. I was able to say my goodbyes. I promised him on his deathbed that I would find some way to make it to New York.

My first obstacle came during my senior year when I took a trip with my A.P. Government class to Washington, D.C. It was my first time flying…ever. Ironically, we were flying out of Manchester Airport. I prepared myself for the flight and the fear. I just kept repeating my grandfather’s words. I was told we would be flying over Manhattan, and I was excited to see the bright city lights from hundreds of miles above. I was disappointed when all I saw were clouds the whole trip. With my hopes dashed, I just closed my eyes and rested my head against the window. Then the Captain came on and announced that we were flying over New York City. I sighed. I tried seeing past the clouds, but I couldn’t. Then out of nowhere, I saw a star escaping through the grey mist. Then I saw another. The cloud blanket had broken and dissolved in front of my eyes. I saw the lights, I saw for miles. I whispered to myself, “Well, I guess we made it together after all”.

I knew at that moment I was meant to see its beauty and I was meant to fall in love with it. I currently go to school on Long Island. My dream school was New York University, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to go from small town to city so quickly. So I decided to be within traveling distance- turns out I travelled more to the city than I did home.

The city was more important to me. It had all of the resources to make my life into something much bigger than I was. I ache to be able to eat, sleep and breathe city. I want to intoxicate myself with its art, wisdom, its history and I want to absorb the different cultures. I want the chance to make a difference.

Coming to New York for college was the best risk I ever took. It was a big step for me to be able to leave the safe haven of my home for one of the biggest cities in the world. But I was in love. I fell for the whole New York scene, even the smells. Maine could never make me feel like this. It will always be my hometown, but there’s no way that’s it will be my first love. Over the past couple years, I’ve realized that’s okay. It’s okay to follow your heart, wherever it may take you.

-DeAnna

(Photo by Nicole Herrera)