Three ways to Find Your Independence
by Debbie Brownlow
Often the obstacles that face us in life end up becoming our “open doors” to opportunity; not knowing where we want to go is usually not the issue. We need to discover our talents to be able to develop them, but all too often, they’re difficult to find – unless you know what you’re looking for. Here, I list my top three ways to find (and hold on to) independence as you get older.
Understand your opportunities
It never occurred to me that there was so much opportunity out in the world when I graduated from high school in 1968. I remember my counselor explaining that with my grades I could plan on possibly attending a trade school, or get married. A familiar feeling for many teens, high school left a lot to be desired and I never applied myself to my studies, finding myself at graduation with a barely passing grade point average and not many opportunities. I was frightened about my future and although I felt that I was bright and would be able to accomplish anything, this was not evident to the colleges I applied or the employers I interviewed with.
Identify with yourself
At the age of 18, I was not aware of the fact that I had everything needed to get by in this life, I just hadn’t discovered my gifts. Much of my life, my identity had been tied to being someone’s daughter, girlfriend or employee, and that is how I saw myself – through someone else’s eyes. I was frightened to challenge myself, afraid of failure and change. But that is definitely not the way to live life.
Leave your comfort zone
After high school I took small trips around the country and realized that I would need to figure out who I was. Freedom and independence were just around the corner, but I needed to develop these traits in myself. After I found my first job, I started putting some cash aside, and for the first time in my life I had to rely on myself for financial security. Frightening? Yes, but this began to grow the seeds of independence within me, and as the feeling of independence and power came over me, it was a wonderful feeling to know that I was capable of taking care of myself and not having to ask others for help, and without this independence I would have never taken my biggest leap of all: My move to Alaska.
The plus side of being independent? We flourish when we realize that we are competent, dynamic, strong and a force to be reckoned with. Every time something didn’t work out for me I would try again; defeat was not a word that was part of my vocabulary. I didn’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity or feelings of inferiority, and it is a refreshing feeling to know that your own focus, strength and sense of ownership will get you to wherever you choose for yourself.
Deborah Brownlow is the author of Pipe Dream: An Alaskan Adventure and is an LPC Licensed Professional Counselor who works with families in the military deploying to “hot zones” around the world. An alumna of the University of Alaska, she has always enjoyed writing, often penning poems and stories for her children. Reading has provided a lifelong source of joy. Brownlow has three children and two grandchildren.
Tags: author, becoming, comfort zone, Debbie Brownlow, identify, independence, indpendent, Life, opportunities, Pipe Dream, teen, yourself
