My Parents are Getting a Divorce

Whether you’re five, fifteen or thirty, the news that your parents are getting a divorce is never going to be insignificant. Even if ending their marriage will ultimately make life easier, divorce means big changes for everyone. As a teenager, accustomed to living at home with both parents, you’re bound to be affected in some way and it’s more than likely you’ll have questions, fears and worries to respond to.

You’re not alone

The first thing to bear in mind is that you’re not alone. Unfortunately, many U.S. marriages, for a whole host of reasons, end in divorce. According to Pew Research Center, while divorce figures for 25 to 39 year olds are going down, divorce for 40+ adults is rising and these are the marriages most likely to include teenage children.

Also, according to family law help in Scottsdale, some couples choose to pursue legal separation rather than filing for divorce, and so the number of teenagers who experience parental separation may indeed be higher than the official figures reveal.

Common fears and concerns

Safe in the knowledge that you’re not the only young girl in the world with parents who are getting a divorce, you should also know that you’re not the only one with worries and concerns about the future.

Love and commitment don’t last

You might be feeling the need to protect yourself from further heartache. It might seem like the safer option to avoid growing attached to anyone from now on, but that will only make you feel more isolated in the long-term. It’s true that not all love lasts forever, but sometimes it does. Indeed, just because your parents have fallen out of love with each other, don’t assume that they don’t love you or that they won’t be committed to you forever.

And remember, whether love and commitment last or not, the beauty of the feeling lies in the simple opportunity we get to experience it, however long it lasts.

I too will fail at marriage

Just because your parents’ marriage hasn’t worked doesn’t mean that yours won’t either. Every partnership and every situation is different. There’s nothing written in the future to suggest you won’t be able to live a long and happy marriage and there’s nothing wrong with taking your time before you choose to marry in order to make sure you’re making the very best of decisions.

Maybe I could have done something

It’s a natural reaction to think that as the daughter you could have done more to help about the house or to bring your parents together. This simply isn’t the case. For whatever reason, your parents’ marriage broke down because of something that happened between them; something that you couldn’t have prevented or fixed under any circumstances.

What you can do

While there’s nothing you can do to change the situation between your parents, there’s plenty you can do to avoid further heartache. Regular communication and finding the positives are two excellent places to begin.

Talk

Don’t be afraid of talking through your feelings with friends, family or even mom and dad. Keeping things bottled up inside always makes them seem worse. You may also find that by airing your worries, solutions are presented to you. Two heads are normally better than one.

Enjoy the positives

While you might not have your mom and dad by your side every day, you may find that by spending time with them individually you begin to connect with them on a much deeper level. Suggest different things you can do together – places you can visit and activities you can try – to make the time you spend with each one as memorable as possible.