Coping With A Breakup: Gentle Advice For Those In Pain

Relationships are tough, and breaking up with somebody is even harder. Whether you were the one who ‘dumped’ the other person, or it was them who broke up with you, you are going to feel a lot of pain. People will come to you with advice. “There is plenty more fish in the sea,” they will say, or “Life goes on.” While both things are true, it still doesn’t help you get over the pain you are feeling inside. Not for a while, at least.

If you are currently trying to get over a relationship break-up, there is only so much we can say. For all we know you are rejoicing that things are over, but chances are the opposite is true. If so, here is some advice that we hope you won’t find glib as you try and get over this difficult chapter in your life.


It’s okay to grieve

Not only will you miss the person you were with, but you may well miss the life you had built up together. This is natural, so it is understandable that you will grieve the many losses of a breakup. It will take a while to let go fully, and your waking and sleeping moments will be affected by your sorrow. This is why many people ask themselves “why do I keep dreaming about my ex” when getting over a relationship. The pain is deep-rooted, both within the consciousness and unconsciousness. So let your emotions out. Have a good cry, offload to your friends, and give your woes to God. Your life has changed, so don’t be afraid to take the time you need to grieve.

Deal with negative emotions

Negative emotions will eat you up inside, so take the time to deal with them. This includes letting go of hate, managing the anger you feel towards yourself or the other person, and overcoming your sadness. This will take time,  but if left to fester inside, negative emotions will make your life difficult to manage and they could lead to depression. So, how do you deal with them? For starters, speak to your friends about how you are feeling. You could also consult your pastor, or somebody else who may be able to offer counselling. Then pick up your Bible. This verse from Colossians may be particularly apt:

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. -Colossians 3:8, 12-13

Overcome negativity through positive thoughts. If you can show kindness to others, and take the time to find activities that will make you happy, you will overcome the darkness welling up inside you.

Find distractions

There is more to your life than being in a relationship, so don’t forget the other parts of your life. Spend time with friends, take part in the hobbies you enjoy, and focus on your school or work life. While it’s hard to see the positives in a breakup, you will at least have more time on your hands to focus on these other areas of your life that may have been neglected for a while. Ensure you distract yourself from anything that will make you feel worse, such as looking at your ex-partner’s social media pages. Find something that will take your mind off your situation, and engage positively with the world.

Going forwards

You may not believe it at the moment, but you will get over the grieving stage eventually.  To help you get over the relationship completely, stay close to God and be with the people who support you in life. There will be a time for a new relationship, but only go there when you are finally over your ‘ex.’ In the meantime, be thankful for the life you have. God does have a plan for your life, and many new experiences await you.