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Speak Your Piece: Faith Blog

Love

Mary - Date: 26 Jan 2012

Love

Written by Ellen Marie Hawkins

heart-born-again
As a teacher at my church, I was asked recently where I find love. What makes me feel lovable? Who do I feel lovable with?

When I think of the word love, I hear John Mark McMillan in the back of my mind, discussing what he was going through when he wrote the song, “How He Loves.” He brings up the fact that we often misuse the word love. We apply it to everything from how we feel about cheeseburgers to God’s love. That’s such a huge expanse for a little word. It’s made me more conscious of how often I say it and to who or what I apply it. I enjoy my car, but I don’t love it. I like chocolate. But I don’t love it.

People, however, are worthy of love. It’s funny, though, how difficult it can be to love others when we’re relying on only our version of them. And even how we feel about ourselves can be askew and off kilter.

There have been many times in my life when I didn’t feel lovable at all. I was an obese child while growing up. Not chubby. Not a little overweight. But fat. And the kids around me didn’t let me forget it. The girls didn’t want to be my friend because being fat has never been cool, and the boys mercilessly said what was on their mind. I lost track of how many times I was asked what time I had gotten up the previous night to raid the refrigerator. And the memory that stands out in my mind is being compared to the Statue of Liberty. I’ll never forget the time in class when we were discussing our national landmark, and someone asked how much she weighs. Someone was kind enough to remark in a whisper loud enough for me to hear, “I’ll bet she doesn’t weigh nearly as much as Ellen.”

My parents loved me. God certainly does. But I never looked in the mirror as a child and thought to myself, “I love me. I am worthy of something.” In fact, there have been times in my life when I believed that God died for everyone except for me. I could apply the word to how I felt about a television show, but I didn’t know how to apply it to myself. And every time I didn’t do well at something, I figured that those kids had it all right about me. I was a loser.

But as loud as those taunts and jeers were, as much as they became the voices in my head, I had another constant in my life that spoke just as loudly. The Bible. Between the cover are a million promises to me that contradict everything that those bullies ever said. On a bad day, those voices still win. But only because I allow them to. For those days when I’m open, His word changes my perspective.

My favorite verse of all time is Jeremiah 29:11-13. (“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. In those days, when you pray, I will listen. You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.”) God has a purpose for me. He has a reason for me to get up each day. Some mornings it’s a mystery to me what that plan may be, but in opening up to the possibilities that He has rather than closing myself down with insecurity, I find hope.

God’s love is transforming. I read that He loves me enough that I eventually came to believe it. And if I could accept that truth and apply it to myself, I discovered that I love others just as effortlessly. It goes beyond my comprehension or my wealth of understanding, but I truly feel alive when I am kneeling before a troubled child who doesn’t yet grasp the concept of God’s Love. It is a blessing beyond measure to look her in the eye and tell her she is loved more than she can possibly imagine. And know, in my heart without a shadow of a doubt, that it is true.

His love is all inclusive. He loves. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Even if you don’t feel loved, that doesn’t mar or change the truth. He died for you. He gave you life for a reason.

He is Jealous for me.
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me.

-John Mark McMillan-“How He Loves”

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