Toxic Relationships

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How Do You Know When It’s Time to Go?

By Shannon Hembree

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? You know, the kind of relationship that makes you doubt everything about yourself – the kind where you give and give and give and are totally crushed when he doesn’t give back. It’s the kind of relationship where you think your guy is so great that even if it isn’t the perfect relationship, you’re lucky to have him.

Sometimes you know when you are in a relationship that it is bad for you. Other times, you look back and wonder why you didn’t recognize the signs sooner, because they were definitely there. Or maybe, you saw the signs, but chose to look the other way, because you wanted so badly for the relationship to work. So what are the signs, and at what point do you just know that it is time to go? Below are a few examples of how women came to the realization that their relationship was over.

“I knew when my boyfriend didn’t come into my house to pick me up for prom. He honked from his car. We didn’t get any before-prom pictures at my house. My mom took one of me alone before I left.”

“I thought things were going well. I, of course, was envisioning our future together, and he just stopped calling. OK, that didn’t signal to me that he was not interested. When he did call, and I asked what was going on, he said he had just been busy and didn’t want to call if he didn’t have time to get together. OK, I can possibly get that…then I asked what he had been so busy doing…well, it seems he had been busy speed dating.”

“I knew it was time to go when we had broken up for the fifth time.”

“He would be great and really into me, and then he would stop calling for a while. When he wouldn’t call, I would write in my diary about how I loved him and then I would write how I hated him and then I would wonder over and over why he wouldn’t call. It was pretty sick.”

“I knew it was time to go when I would have preferred death over staying in the relationship. I could not fathom any more time with that person knowing it was making me so miserable and making me so awful to everyone around me.”

“I knew it was time when I realized I was better off without him than with him.”

Being in a bad relationship can sometimes be like watching a movie where you know how it will end, but you really want – and almost half expect – it to end differently. Just like the movies, bad relationships don’t develop happy endings if you wish hard enough that they will. It may seem impossible while you are in a bad relationship, but you will find the right guy for you when the time is right. So don’t settle for a toxic relationship, because you think you can fix it or you can’t do any better. You can’t fix it, and you can do better. You deserve to be treated well, and there are great guys out there who will do that. That’s the way it should be.

Written by Mary Kornegay, Relate Contributing Writer

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Sterling Knight- This hottie is going places! Best known for co-starring in Sonny With a Chance, Sterling Knight got his big break as Matthew Perry/Zac Efron’s son in 17 Again. Knight can now be seen in Starstruck, a Disney channel original movie. Knight and costar Danielle Campbell shine on screen together, making this a must-see for this hunk’s fans!

Dylan and Cole Sprouse- These good-lookin brothers co-star in their own television show The Suite Life on Deck as Zack and Cody Martin. The identical twins were born August 4, 1992 and have been acting since they were a year old. Dylan and Cole have dual citizenship in the United States and Italy. You can hear the lovable twins next in Kung Fu Magoo and see them in The Suite Life On Deck on Disney Channel!

David Henrie- David Henrie is one of the charismatic stars of Disney’s Wizards of Waverly Place. His good looks help him stand out against the other adorable Disney stars! Henrie also stars in How I Met Your Mother, as the son of Ted, the main character. Henrie started acting when he was eleven, landing a guest spot on Providence. He is good friends with Brandon Smith, one of the stars of Sonny With a Chance. Be sure to check out David Henrie on Disney Channel!

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Vincent Marcella- Phineas and Ferb may seem like your every day kid’s cartoon. But the voice behind the main character, Phineas, is adorable and witty. Vincent Marcella is not only the voice of Phineas. He costars in Everybody Hates Chris, and recently played a nerdy knight in a medieval reenactment in the comedy Role Models. This young actor is also branching out to the music industry. Vincent’s album “Time Flies By” is available in ITunes. Be sure to keep a look out for Vincent Marcella!

Mitchell Musso- Mitchell Musso is all over the Disney Channel! As Oliver on Hannah Montana, he tears up the small screen with his humor and musical talent. Musso also starred in Hatching Pete, a Disney channel original movie. Along with Vincent Marcella, he provides the voice for Jeremy on Phineas and Ferb. Musso is multitalented and will definitely go far in his career!

Do you facebook stalk as much as we do?

Gray, 15, Charlotte, NC. “Not really. The only reason I have my facebook is to keep up with friends and events. I mean it’s cool if a girl ‘stalks’ me, but I’m not on facebook 24/7 checking up on people. I hardly ever look at other peoples’ pages.”

What is with the lack of hygiene?

Andrew Shuester, 20, Kernersville, NC. “Hey, I resent that. I smell great. No, really, I just don’t wake up and think ‘Oh, I’m going to class. I need to look my best.’ On the other hand, I enjoy looking nice. So usually if I’m not kempt and looking fly, it’s because I didn’t have time or had better things to do.”

Intelligence or Looks?

Jeff St. John, 21, Charlotte, NC. “I definitely like smart girls. But I’m not going to lie. Looks matter. I don’t think I’m shallow, but I like pretty girls, too. I guess in the end, intelligence reigns. I don’t want to introduce a girl to my mom who can’t keep up a conversation, even if she is gorgeous.”

Most girls are attached to their phones. If a guy doesn’t text you back, is it possible he just doesn’t have his phone?

Stephen, 18. “I never have my phone with me. I hate it when my girlfriend gets mad at me because I don’t have it, but sometimes I just don’t want to carry it around. And it isn’t because I don’t want to talk to you.”

Why can’t you just tell me what you’re feeling?

Henry, 17, New York. “Most guys don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. Gender stereotypes suck, but it’s lame if a guy is overly emotional. When I really get to know a girl, I tend to open up more, but it’s hard to just say everything I’m feeling.”

What if I’m shy? How can I get your attention without looking desperate?

Jamie Wheeler, 19. “I personally don’t like over the top girls. They are just doing it to get attention. If a girl is nice and confident, I’ll notice them. They don’t have to throw themselves at me for me to see them. That is a real turn off.”

After seeing the movie “Valentine’s Day,” I can honestly say that I have fallen in love with the ten adorable, sexy, sweet (I could go on forever) male stars. A-listers from Bradley Cooper (“The Hangover”) to Taylor Lautner (“The Twilight Saga”) made appearances in this lovable film that follows the lives of eight couples on Valentine’s Day. This irresistible film will give you hope about love and tug on your heart strings.

Taylor Lautner, who has arguably the best part in the film, plays Willy, the high school jock who dates Felicia (Taylor Swift). Lautner provoked lots of laughs from audiences, especially when dealing with his overbearing girlfriend.

Bradley Cooper’s career is blasting off. After “The Hangover,” Cooper took the role of a sweet business man who helps Julia Roberts cope through a long flight home. Cooper’s character is the complete opposite of his “Hangover” character, which shows us a lot about Cooper’s versatility as an actor.

Ashton Kutcher can do no wrong. As one of the main characters, Kutcher steals the show with his adorable and affable personality. Kutcher’s character, Reed, is a hopeless romantic. After proposing to his girlfriend (played by Jessica Alba), he can’t help but tell everyone he meets that he is engaged. Reed’s excitement and hope in love inspires audiences to grab hold of that special someone and encourages people to step out of the box to find love.

Carter Jenkins is a relatively unknown face amongst the many famous ones in “Valentine’s Day.” He plays Emma Robert’s (“Hotel for Dogs”) boyfriend who is caught by Robert’s mother in a compromising position. Jenkins is undeniably attractive as he holds his own against the numerous stars in this film. Carter Jenkins will undoubtedly be a famous face after “Valentine’s Day.”

The men of “Valentine’s Day” will have you swooning from start to finish. These lovely men encourage the audience to believe in love. If you’re looking for a charming, engaging movie, look no further. You definitely don’t want to miss “Valentine’s Day.”

You’ll want to watch it again the minute it’s over.

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A half god, half mortal. The son of a soldier in the Revolutionary War. The savior of a population of hoot owls. Logan Lerman’s characters have done it all. This young actor is taking over Hollywood with his killer roles in movies such as the highly anticipated “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief.”

Logan was born in 1992. He caught the acting bug at an early age. According to imdb.com, Logan told his mother that he wanted to be an actor after watching a Jackie Chan movie when he was two years old.

He was one of Mel Gibson’s children in “The Patriot,” which came out in 2000. Logan played minor characters in many more films until he got the leading role in “Hoot,” a film about three friends fighting to save the endangered hoot owls in Florida.

Most recently, Logan is taking on the role of Percy Jackson in “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief” alongside Pierce Brosman and Uma Thurman. Percy is your everyday teenager; that is, until he finds out he is the son of the Greek god Poseidon. Logan shines as Percy, and viewers and fans of “Percy Jackson and the Olympians” series will not be disappointed.

But perhaps the most exciting news for fans of Logan is the rumor that he will take on the iconic role of Peter Parker as the next Spiderman. “It’s an iconic character and I’m hoping to be considered for the part. I’d be ready to put on 20 pounds of muscle. I’d have to drink a lot of protein shakes,” said Logan in a recent interview.

Logan Lerman’s adorable personality and killer smile are causing girls all over the country to swoon. If you’ve seen any of his films, you can’t help but fall head over heels for this new heartthrob.

Be sure to check out “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief” which arrives in theaters Friday, February 13th.

Valentine’s Day is one of the most loved and hated holidays. How can you guarantee a great day? Follow these easy tips and you’ll have a great V-Day!

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 *Don’t have high expectations! I like to give boys the benefit of the doubt. But truthfully, most boys don’t understand the significance of major holidays. “My boyfriend doesn’t get why Valentine’s Day is important to me. I like flowers, chocolate and the whole thing. But boys just don’t understand that,” says Carrie, 22, Raleigh, NC.

*Boys don’t like to plan. Take the reins and you plan the date! Make reservations for a quaint restaurant or if you’re extra ambitious, plan a picnic in a romantic park. If you decide to go out to eat, be sure to do it a few weeks in advance! Restaurants book up fast on Valentine’s Day.

*If you’re picking out gifts, keep it simple. A DVD or a box of chocolate is a perfect present for the one you love. But remember, it’s about the love- not the presents! Show your boy toy that you care about him, and all will be well.

*Do things differently. While Valentine’s Day is a little overrated, it is a special day! Mix it up a little. Go to a different restaurant for dinner. Do something crazy! Surprise your significant other with a romantic evening.

*Mixed CD’s are always a great idea. It is a great gift idea, and it is something you can play in the background during your picnic. Download “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel and “Amazed” by Lonestar.

*Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples! If you don’t have a significant other, plan a girl’s night! Buy lots of chocolate and some Welch’s Sparkling Cider, rent a chick flick starring Rob Pattinson, and enjoy Valentine’s Day.

Keep in mind that Valentine’s Day is only one day of the year. Don’t be let down if your boyfriend doesn’t get into the hype of Valentine’s Day. Enjoy each other’s company and remember that the point of Valentine’s Day is to celebrate the love!

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A lot of people think a good date consists of lavish dinners at fancy restaurants, romantic canoe rides, etc. But sometimes, the best dates are quiet nights in filled with movies, popcorn and an amazing dinner that you cooked. Here are some tips on how to make your evening in just as amazing as an evening out:

• Rent a good movie! Steer clear of chick flicks (although the good ones will let you sneak in a good chick flick every once in a while.) “Say Anything” is a good in-between. John Cusack is adorably affable, and even the manliest man will fall in love with “Say Anything.” Pop in the DVD (or video cassette if you’re old school…) curl up on the couch, and enjoy the movie!
• Bonfire? If your dad is anything like my dad, he can whip up a roaring fire in no time. Or, if your dad isn’t an eagle scout, an electric fire does the trick. Imagine any romantic film montages- the majority of them have at least one clip of a couple cuddling and roasting marshmallows. Just try it- you’ll understand the appeal after spending the night by the fire…kissing if you’re lucky!
• Make a bangin’ dinner. Hawaiian Luau chicken is really easy and delicious. My clueless roommates made it, and it was fantastic- a perfect meal for your stay-at-home date.

Hawaiian Luau Chicken:

4-6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 cup barbecue sauce

1 can (20 ounces) crushed pineapple, undrained

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1 tablespoon cornstarch

Directions:

Heat oven to 350 degrees.

Place chicken breasts in a baking dish that has been greased or sprayed with nonstick cooking spray. In a shallow bowl, stir together barbecue sauce, pineapple, ginger and cornstarch. Pour over chicken. Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 1 to 1 ½ hours.

This serves 4-6 people. Use chicken as your main dish, and rice is an excellent side dish.

• Lock your little sister in her bedroom! One of the biggest distractions during a stay-in date is little siblings. From personal experience, they enjoy candy or cash. Bribe them if you have to! Do whatever you can (obviously to a certain extent…) to get that alone time. Side Note: It’s one thing to be annoyed with younger sibs. But remember that somewhere deep, deep down, you love them. Don’t leave them out of your relationship! Your boyfriend should understand that and want to get to know your family.
• Sporcle.com is one of the best websites around! Switch off taking the quizzes and see who the master of pointless trivia is. Personal Favorites? Countries of the World and Name the Toy.

Next time your boyfriend wants to take you on an extravagant date, suggest staying in. Whip up some dinner and enjoy the night together!

Note: This article is an opinion piece.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am a reality television junkie. Give me a bag of popcorn and a new episode of “Jersey Shore” any day. But just how much reality is in these “reality” shows? Are our favorite reality television couples the real deal?

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Is it possible to fall in love on a reality television show? Just ask one of the 12 final couples from “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” who have ended up breaking up after they left the show. Out of the 14 seasons, two have been successful. Television shows such as “Tila Tequila” and “For Love or Money” are even worse. The stars of these shows are desperate for their five minutes of fame, and those relationship statistics are even lower than those from “The Bachelor.”

It is impossible to start a healthy relationship on a television show. The fairytale whirlwind relationships all start out with glitz and glamour, and end in heartbreak. Most real couples don’t have the luxury of jumping on a helicopter and flying to Sea World on one date. Most real couples get to spend more than three weeks total together before deciding to get engaged (and this isn’t even three weeks one-on-one!)

While watching these reality shows are thoroughly entertaining, you can’t put any faith in the actions of the stars of these shows. Heidi from “The Hills” should NOT be a role model. Her relationship with Spencer should not be mirrored in your relationship. Don’t take advice from Jillian from “The Bachelor” or any one from the cast of “The Jersey Shore!”

That being said, I fully encourage you to watch every episode of trashy television you possibly can. No one can make me laugh more than the vapid ladies of “The Bachelor,” (who expect to come on TV and get all the attention from the man, knowing they’re competing with 24 other women.)  As long as you don’t put too much stock in finding your “true love” on a reality television show, you should be fine.

We all know that cute, nice boys are in high demand. While it may seem like they are a rarity, they have to be hiding somewhere! Here are some unexpected places you should check out- who knows? Maybe you’ll find your Mr. Someone!

• The gym is an awesome place to meet great guys. While you’re on the treadmill, look around and you’ll notice the plethora of hotties lifting weights.

How to make the move: While you may know the correct way to lift weights, (I mean come on, all those boys do it- it can’t be THAT hard), pretend you don’t. Casually approach the boy you have your eye on and ask for a quick demonstration.

• The orthodontist may seem like the last place you’d ever meet a cute boy. But trust me. Once that boy gets his braces off, his pearly whites will glimmer in that radiant smile.

How to make the move: Take a seat next to the boy, and strike up a convo about when you both are getting your braces off or how much you hate wearing rubber bands or a power chain.

• Go to a school sporting event! Most sports teams in high school travel to other schools to play. Next time your school baseball or soccer team plays at another school close by, go and watch. You can watch the cute boys from your team play, and “check out” the competition.

(Photo by coachsaid.com)

How to make the move: After the game is over, find your cutie and compliment his athletic skills. He’ll be impressed that you were actually watching the game, and that you had the confidence to approach him.

• Finding a cute guy on an airplane is totally hit or miss. But if you happen to be lucky enough to be seated next to a hottie, take advantage of it!

How to make the move: There are two approaches I would suggest. The first is being fake being scared. If he is a nice guy, he’ll try to talk you through the take off, and if you’re really lucky, maybe he’ll hold your hand. Secondly (and a little less extreme), just talk to him. Most flights are at least more than an hour. You’re in close quarters, giving you the perfect opportunity to strike up a good chat.

• Church is the best place to find a guy. You know your parents will approve if you pick up your cutie while at church! While you should be focusing on praying, taking one second to give a special wink to a cute boy won’t hurt (as long as you get right back to praying after!)

How to make the move: Since you can’t exactly strike up a conversation in the middle of church, approach him after. Or even better, if your church offers a youth group, go! Even if your church eye candy isn’t there, tons of cute boys attend youth group. Not only will you get a chance to meet Mr. Hottie there, but you’ll get a chance to express your faith in a fun and awesome way.

So if you are in the market for a cutie, check out these five unexpected places. But these aren’t the only out-of-the-ordinary places to find boys. Cute, nice boys are everywhere- you just have to keep your eye out for them!

Habits:

All people; especially teenage boys, seem to have them whether they be positive or negative. Being the guy’s girlfriend, I’m sure some of you are interested in knowing whether or not these habits can be broken and which ones. I am here in order to clear this question up as much as I can:

Music Taste-

If you and your boyfriend’s music tastes don’t seem to mesh as well as you think they should, just be patient! The longer somebody listens to or is around a certain type of music, the more they become used to it. And eventually, they may even begin enjoying it and singing along with you.

Clothing Style-

It’s your first big date at a fancy restaurant and whaaat? Your boyfriend has basketball shorts and a T-shirt on! If you want a boyfriends’ style on clothing to change, I would recommend buying him a few shirts, jeans etc. and don’t forget to tell him how handsome he looks in them (this is the key!)

Sports/ Video Game Obsession-

Everything seems to be going perfect until….”Is it alright if we watch the big game?” I am sorry to tell you a habit dealing with sports/ video games will most likely not be completely broken anytime soon for your boyfriend.

A Gentleman’s Attitude-

Every girl likes a real gentleman- he always opens the door for you and reminds you how pretty you really are. This one may take a little extra work on certain guys, but I truly believe that the work can pay off in the end. Treat every “gentleman-ly” thing (haha) your boyfriend does do with praise and he will soon learn.

Dietary Habits-

Your boyfriend tells you he wants to take you out to dinner and ouch, he picks ___________ (insert fast food restaurant). Unless this is an issue dealing with money, this habit can be fixed. Introduce him to some of your favorite (and maybe a little healthier) places to eat and he may eventually change his mind.

One thing you’ve got to remember, though…no matter how hard you try, you can’t change him. In the end, the harder you push, the more stubborn he will be. All you can do is give friendly advice and compliment, compliment compliment.

(Photo from http://errolmichaelhenry.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/the-broken-chain1.jpg)