Tom Clements, Author of How to Write a Killer SAT Essay…In 25 Minutes or Less! gives his top nine tips to writing a great SAT essay:

* Prefabricate your essay — I teach kids to have five or six content examples in various areas (history, literature, pop culture, music, sports, movies, technology) ready for whatever essay prompt is presented.

* Know how to spin the prompt — Although every essay prompt “appears” different, there are common themes that run throughout the prompts. I teach kids to understand how their prefabricated content examples can be “spun” to handle whatever prompt the College Board throws at them.

* Write a sweeping introductory paragraph full of quotes and/or anecdotes — It’s not enough to simply recap the prompt and turn it into a topic sentence in the introductory part of your essay. I teach kids how to build context in their introductory paragraphs using quotes and anecdotes to set the stage for and give support to their underlying thesis.

* Subordination — Sentence variety is one of the hallmarks of an excellent writer. I wean kids away from simply declarative sentences (subject, verb, object) and teach them to write more complex sentences using subordination to accent, expand and clarify the presentation of their ideas and arguments

* Transitions — Like subordination, good transitions are a pre-requisite to good writing. I teach my students understand and utilize two types of transitions: transitions between paragraphs and transitions within paragraphs. Good transitions both clarify concepts and provide SAT readers with a clear-cut and logical path through an essay.

* Details, details, details — As everyone knows, the devil is in the details. This is nowhere more apparent than in writing top-scoring essays. I teach my students to add as much corroborating and collateral detail as possible to their prefabricated paragraphs. The more specific detail, the better the writing. Details lend authenticity and interest to essays.

* Structure — Given a twenty-five minute time frame for essay composition, kids need to have a clear idea of how to structure their compositions.  I teach them to employ a classic five paragraph structure: a sweeping introduction, three prefabricated body paragraphs, and a summary conclusion.

* Write small and fast — Believe it or not, word count matters on the SAT essay. Consequently, I teach my students not only to write well but also to write small! Top scoring essays normally contain between 400 and 450 words. I make sure my students understand that, even though this has nothing to do with good writing, on the SAT essay  ”size matters”. This is another reason why prefabricating content examples before the test is important. Writing a coherent essay in 25 minutes is a thankless task unless you’ve prepared extensively beforehand.

* Flash vocabulary — Every essay needs to sparkle with a few well-chosen, sophisticated words. I teach kids to sprinkle words from a vocabulary list we use in class to give their essay more punch.

One in five girls in the United States is sexually abused each year.  Some do not disclose sexual abuse until they are much older.  These children find themselves in foster care if their parent does not protect them from ongoing harm.  The most common perpetrators are boyfriends, step-parents, and relatives, with 80% of the perpetrators being within the birth family.  Studies have shown that in the aftermath of sexual abuse, 50% of sexually abused girls later become juvenile delinquents, run away, are significantly more aggressive, engage in promiscuous activities when poverty is factored in, engage in drug related activities, can self-mutilate, have uncontrolled outbursts of rage, need to always be in control of situations, and become abusive towards boyfriends, or get into abusive relationships. Sexually abused children and teens also develop eating disorders, and have guilt, shame, anxiety and depression, and poor self-esteem.

So how can we make girls fight back and become resilient young teens?  How do we protect young girls and teach them the right ways of coping?

Here are the top five techniques that have worked very successfully in my practice with teen girls (www.thesupportivefosterparent.com):

• Develop Body Boundaries: Sexually abused girls tend to have poor body boundaries. TEACH body space, appropriate distance, hugging from the side, not pushing themselves into others’ in the front, and maintaining appropriate distance from males

• Teens and Dating: Sexually abused teens also either get victimized or become aggressive towards their dating partner.  Develop self-worth in young teens, teach them to respect their bodies, teach them about being a woman in this world and be a role model for your teen.  They learn from your actions, not just words.

• Manage Eating Disorders: Eating can be excessive with binging and purging, or refusal to eat at all.  Both forms are ways young girls attempt to control their environment.  This need to control comes from the helplessness and lack of control due to sexual abuse.  Food is a way that a young teen can exert power over adults and cause anxiety in others.  Anorexia and Bulimia are common with these teens.  To develop a healthy sense of control, provide your young teen with healthy foods, give her areas of her life over which she has control and allow her to make decisions about the foods she eats.  Making a fuss about how much she is eating is going to worsen the situation and strengthen the eating disorder instead of reducing it. Rather, make food fun, use humor at dinner and provide her with healthy childhood snacks she loved.  Creating a low tension environment with a relaxed family non-judgmental environment will gradually relax your young teen daughter and she will substitute food with activities that you have introduced her to in which she can exert control and feel empowered.

• Deal with Bouts of Rage: Intense rage reactions are fairly common in children with sexual abuse histories and they can sometimes get violent. Often they are misdiagnosed as being Bipolar and placed on medication to keep them calm.  However, their rage is a primitive reaction to the emotional trauma of sexual abuse and can be explosive.  What works for these teens is trauma therapy and most importantly predictability.  They dislike sudden changes, unpredictable actions, sudden changes in schedules, and power struggles more so than the average teen.  Allowing your teen time to regroup, holding her when she wants you to, and giving her space when she asks for it so that she can bolster her defenses will help her handle stress, get “unstuck” and cope with new situations better.  What will worsen this situation is forcing her to talk to you when she is not ready and forcing her to complete chores and engaging in a power struggle.

• How to Handle Panic Attacks: Bouts of anxiety with fear of choking up, nausea, trembling, fearing that the walls are closing in and that she is going to die are all too common for our sexually abused teen.  Create resilience by identifying the triggers that have caused the anxiety and combat these triggers by pairing them with healthy effective empowering activities. The negative effect of these triggers will disappear over time, and your teen will become resilient and strong.

About Dr. Kalyani Gopal: Dr. Kalyani Gopal is a licensed clinical psychologist with special interests in child sexual abuse assessment and treatment, attachment issues, and foster care assessment, adjustment and training. She serves on the Lake County, Ind., Child Protection and Child Fatality teams, and was the recipient of the Outstanding Service to Lake County award in 2004.

February is Heart Health month, but this is really something to think about every month! A wonderful heart healthy food is the tomato. Here are some interesting tomato facts:

• Tomatoes contain large amounts of vitamin C, providing 40 percent of your daily value. They also contain a healthy portion of your daily value of vitamin A, potassium and iron.
• Recent studies conducted by Harvard researchers show that women with the highest intake of tomato-based foods, rich sources of the antioxidant lycopene, had a reduced risk for cardiovascular disease compared to women with low intake of those foods.
• Freshly canned and processed tomatoes, like Dei Fratelli’s, have higher lycopene content than garden tomatoes and don’t lose nutritional value during processing.
• Research shows that lycopene acts as an antioxidant and can help people stay active even in old age.

So go eat some tomatoes! If your family has a garden, grow some tomatoes this summer and pick them fresh to enjoy. To help explore the possibilities with tomatoes, we found a great recipe from Dei Fratelli. Dei Fratelli is an all natural, gluten-free tomato product company producing pasta sauces, salsas, pizza sauces and more (I buy their sauces and they are nothing short of amazing!).

Tomato Basil Bruschetta

Ingredients:
1 1/2 Cups Dei Fratelli Petite Diced Tomatoes, drained (approx. 1/2 of a 28 oz can)
8 oz Fresh mozzarella, sliced or soft goat cheese
Basil leaves for garnish, chopped
Bruschetta topping
3 Tbsp Fresh basil, chopped
2 cloves Fresh garlic
2 Tbsp Extra virgin olive oil
Rusks/Bread
1 loaf Ciabatta bread, sliced 1/2 in thick

Preparation:
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Brush slices of bread with olive oil and rub with cloves of garlic. Place on sheet tray and place in the oven for approx. 5 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove bread from oven to cool. Combine all of the ingredients for bruschetta topping in a bowl. Mix gently. On cooled bread, place sliced mozzarella or spread on goat cheese. Add a spoon full of bruschetta topping. Garnish with chopped basil.

Serves 4-6

Forever Frogs is a fun new line of individually designed messenger bags, backpacks, lunch sacks and drawstring bags that help you show off your individuality! Choose from a variety of fun prints and bright solid colors on each section of the bag. They can even be embroidered with your name! Great for school, traveling, beach trips, college, sleep overs, sports….anything! They are a lot like the popular “Thirty One” bags, but with proceeds going to an amazing cause.

Forever Frogs was created by three moms and the best friend of an inspiring little girl, Payton who lost her battle to brain cancer at the young age of 5. A portion of all proceeds are going to the Payton Wright Foundation, created in her honor. Check out these great bags at www.foreverfrogs.com.

Here is Payton’s story. You can learn more about Payton and the Payton Wright Foundation at www.paytonwright.org

In early 2006, Payton Wright began complaining of a pain in her knee. Thinking at first that it was nothing more than growing pains, her parents, Holly and Patrick, took her to the doctor, where they were told that the pain would probably go away on its own. When the pain persisted, The Wrights were told that it was probably juvenile arthritis, or perhaps diskitis.

After a few weeks with no improvement, Dr. Bob Morelli, the ER doctor at All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersburg, FL ordered an MRI. On May 17, 2006, just weeks after her 4th birthday, Payton was diagnosed with cancer when the MRI revealed a tumor on her spine and pelvis. Always worried about everyone else, as she was wheeled into her first surgery Payton looked at her worried father and said “Don’t worry Dad. It’s gonna be a good day.” Payton fought her entire battle with the attitude that everyday was going to be a good one.

Doctors determined that Payton had Medulloepithelioma, a very rare form of brain cancer, and one for which there was no treatment protocol and very little hope for recovery. First at All Children’s and later at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, NC, doctors pieced together Payton’s treatment, which included intense rounds of chemotherapy and radiation.

In August of 2006, Payton was paralyzed from the waist down due to the tumor’s compression of her spine. She received as much radiation as a human body can tolerate, but the tumor continued to grow. Payton continued to fight, and she was able to graduate with her pre-school class in May of 2007. However, the cancer continued to spread, and on May 29, 2007, Payton Wright passed away at the age of 5.

Patrick and Holly Wright saw how courageously their daughter fought, and they promised her that they would never stop fighting. The Payton Wright Foundation was created both in Payton’s memory and with her fighting spirit, so that children with brain cancer will know that “it’s gonna be a good day!”

Written by Ellen Marie Hawkins

I really liked Treasa’s last record, Low Fidelity.  And sonically, Broad is just as good, if not better.  She is just as funky and sassy and independent as before.  She has a big voice, but she also shares her emotion.  Using four different bands for this album’s songs, she maintains cohesiveness throughout; never breaking her stride, never faltering from the objective to provide good music.  All of that is undeniable talent that demands respect.

The high points for me were the stunning ballad “Do Run,” the irresistible “We Should Dance,” and the indomitable spirit of “Let Me Sleep On It,” the album’s closer that finds Treasa believing in her talents and dreams even as everyone around her dismisses them.

But there were two stumbling blocks on this record that I can’t look past, despite the talent and the funky rhythms they’re shrouded behind.  The first is her decision to cover Randy Newman’s “God’s Song.”  Low Fidelity ended with Treasa searching for spirituality.  “God’s Song,” however, reveals a hardened heart, one that blames God and paints a picture of Him sitting in heaven with the angels, laughing at our notions that prayer will provide relief.  While the darkness and the sin and the trauma in this world baffle us all and trigger unanswerable questions, blaming God does nothing to help, least of all coax us into action to help the hurting.

“What We’re Worth” states that that what we do reveals our worth.  I’m a huge proponent of a strong work ethic, but I also recognize that there are some things I can’t earn.  Adding insult to injury, Treasa refers to the Bible, Proverbs 10:4 to be exact, about idle hands being the devil’s hands.  Hearing this after “God’s Song,” which depicts a god that closely resembles how I envision the devil to be, is confusing for me.  The inconsistency and mismatched messages drained me of my appreciation for her voice and the music.

Written by:  Jill Sheets

Recently I had the great honor of interviewing the talented author, Vanessa Rose Lee.  Continue to read on and learn more about her, her new books and what she is currently working on.  Also, soon look forward to a review on her book “The Land of the Gems.”

R: Why did you decide to write Young Adult and children books?
I believe that young adults and children are the two age groups that I enjoy writing for the most. Writing for these age groups allows me to express my creativity and imagination.

R:  Tell us about your book “The Land of the Gems”
The Land of the Gems is about fantasy and adventure. Kate is the main character who goes to summer camp and she embarks on an adventure that takes her back in time. My book is great for those of us who enjoy fantasy stories.

R:  How did you come up with the idea for the book?
The message that I want to share with my readers is to believe in yourself.  I hope to encourage readers to not give up on their dreams.  I also have a fascination with gems. I thought it would be fun to combine that in the storyline. Of course, I also enjoy the Renaissance period and history in general. So, this book captures all of these areas of interest.

R:  Kate was my favorite character.  How did you come up with her? Her background?  Was she based on a real person?
The teenage years are when most of us are struggling with self-esteem issues. Kate represents this age group. For example, learning how to drive is an accomplishment for most teenagers. Kate starts out being nervous about driving. I don’t want to give away too much, but what she goes through and traveling to The Land of the Gems, she learns the valuable lesson to believe in yourself. So, she is more relaxed in driving at the end of the book because of what she has been through.

R:  I love the message to the story – believe in yourself.  What advice would you give to our listeners that do not believe in themselves?  Whether it is accomplishing their goals, getting a god great on a test or anything?
I think that life is much easier when you don’t take things too seriously. Don’t be hard on yourself if you get a bad grade or have a bad day.  I learned a new saying, which is “Be good to yourself.” So, be good to yourself and don’t be hard on yourself. When you have a positive attitude or outlook, think about how much better life could be. Two years ago, I had an interview with you about “The Beauty Queen and the School Nerd” and I mentioned the famous saying, “Life is too short.” Life is short and is filled with ups and downs. In the end, how we choose to overcome challenges is what makes life interesting.

R:  One of my favorite questions, if they were to make this book into a movie, who would your dream cast be?
That is a really good question. I could see someone like Stella Hudgens who is the younger sister of Vanessa Hudgens as Kate. She is a great actress that would play the role well.

R:  Tell us about your book “Beach Party Girls”

Beach Party Girls is a “girls just wanna have fun” book. Kim and Stephanie live a fast-paced, glamorous lifestyle. However, an event or phone call changes their lives, and they have to try to see how to get by. The message of the book is survival of the fittest because the girls have to work hard in order to get by. The other message is to take life day by day and you will go far. I think it also does have the underlying message of “believing in yourself” and having the confidence to put your mind to accomplish your goals. For the Beach Party Girls, this includes finding and keeping a job, finding love, and finding their own strengths in the book.

R:  Tell us about “The Haunted House of Riddles.”
I really love Halloween and came up with this idea after making a flier in a graphic design class. After the creation of the flier, I wanted to create a picture book. I came up with the idea of kids being able to go to a haunted house and everyone would speak using riddles.

R:  This book is both in Spanish and English.  Do you speak Spanish?
I started learning Spanish in middle school and went up to the second year level in college. I would say that I am above average in writing Spanish rather than speaking. My Spanish speaking skills are average since I do not have many people to practice with. I think that learning the Spanish language is important since it is the second highest growing language here in America, which is why I decided to create a bilingual picture book.

R:  Tell us about your book “Funny Jimmy”
Funny Jimmy’s message is to not be afraid of failure. You’ll never know if you are good at something, unless you try it first. Funny Jimmy is about a boy who goes to clown school to see if he will be good at it or not. So, the whole message is to try something before you give up.

R:  Where can people get your books?
I’m glad you asked because the books can be found at major retailers such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and many more. I would also like to share that Funny Jimmy is an animated picture book that is available on all apple products at the itunes store.

R:  Are you currently working on another book?  If so, can you tell us anything about it?
Currently, I am working on a sequel to The Land of the Gems. Right now, it is in the brainstorming sessions and I have not been able to put pen to paper yet. So, I can’t spill many details on it.

R:  What is your official website?  What about social networking sites?
I can be found on many social networking sites. I am on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace. You can find the direct link for the animated Funny Jimmy book on my Facebook fan page and Twitter. I consider my blog as my official website, which is vanessaroselee.blogspot.com.

R:  Anything else you would like to add or say to your readers?
I would like to say that I really appreciate all of your support. Thank you to Jill Sheets for having me on her show, to the listeners of this program, and especially my fans. Thank you for the opportunity to discuss my books, and check them out!

By Suzanne Kleinberg

Have you ever felt that no matter what words that were coming out of your mouth, you weren’t being heard?  Did you take into account that your body language or clothes may be speaking for you?

People tend to make their initial judgements through their eyes, not their ears.  When you are interviewing for a job or giving a presentation, you want to be sure that your audience is listening.

Here are some tips on how to stop shortchanging yourself in those crucial meetings.

The biggest form of non-verbal communication is body language – your posture and mannerisms reveal what you are thinking (usually without you knowing it).  Try to be aware of how your body language appears to others.

Did you know that when you:

• stand with your hands on your hips, others interpret that you may be aggressive?
• cross your arms over your chest that you give off a feeling of lack of confidence or defensiveness?
• lean back in a chair with crossed arms that people think you are arrogant or snobbish?
• rub your nose that others associate that with lying?  (Thanks, Pinocchio!)
• look down when you speak that you are showing doubt in what you are saying?
• play with your hair, many interpret that as a lack of self-confidence?  Be careful, because for some men this is a signifier that you’re flirting with them, which is the last thing you want in the workplace.
• avoid eye contact or your eyes shift from side to side that you are seen as insecure or lying?
• slouch that you give off a feeling of disinterest or self-consciousness?
• answer a question to anyone but the asker, you are showing that you may be biased which can be interpreted as racist, sexist or discriminatory?
• shrug your shoulders, you are telling people that you don’t believe in what has been just said even though you may have been the one to say it?
• tap your foot or pen that you are showing impatience and boredom?

However, not all body language is negative.  Learn to use these positive subconscious signals to your advantage:

• Keep your palms open, not clenched.  This signals sincerity and openness towards the listener.
• Lean forward slightly to demonstrate interest in what other people have to say.
• Make eye contact when others speak even if they don’t attempt eye contact with you. It shows interest and respect.  But don’t stare or be unnatural.  You don’t want to creep people out with a zombie glare.
• Nod gently when others are making a point or when you know some who is nervous is speaking.  It provides encouragement and a safe environment for others to express their ideas.
• Sit or stand upright, keeping your shoulders and arms relaxed.  You are radiating confidence and openness towards others.
• Give others a relaxing amount of body space.  No one likes to be crowded or to talk to someone too far away.  Being too close creates tension and a feeling of aggression.  Being too far is a sign of clear disinterest or that you just don’t like them.
• Try to mirror the body language of the other person.  It creates a feeling of being in sync and makes the other person feel relaxed and understood.  Don’t overdo it or else you will offend the other person because they will feel that you are ridiculing them. (Everyone hates a mime!)

Another way to communicate without words is through clothing and make-up.

Business clothing should not be a reflection of the latest fashion trend.  A woman should be noticed for who she is and her professional skills above what she wears.  Her business wear should be industry and company dress code appropriate.

Start with a suit (skirt or pants) for the most conservative look.  Skirts should be knee-length or slightly above or below.  Avoid extremes.  A skirt more than two inches above the knee may give off the wrong signals.   Always ensure that your clothing is the correct size (i.e. too tight will not earn you respect or friends).  You can change the tone of the suit with the blouse or top that you wear under the jacket.

Faces, not feet, should be the focal point in business, so choose conservative shoes.  Remember low heels please.  In spite of current fashion, sandals or open-toed are not always considered office appropriate.  If it is accepted in the company (check with the dress code, not the person in the next cubicle), make sure that your feet are well-maintained.  Pedicures are recommended even if you don’t get one done by a professional.

When it comes to accessories and jewelery, less is more.  Keep it simple: one ring per hand, one earring per ear.  Accessories should reflect your personality, not diminish your credibility.

The same rule applies to make-up and hair – less is more.  Keep to neutral tones on your face.  Remember: you are not walking the red carpet or being hounded by paparazzi. You are going to work or a job interview.

If you are going to an interview and you are unsure of the company’s dress code, always err on the conservative side (i.e. wear a traditional suit).  You won’t feel out of place if you are in a suit and your interviewer is more casually dressed.  It demonstrates respect.  You will definitely feel out of place if you go to an interview dressed more casually than the interviewer.  This situation will guarantee a negative impression from your interviewer.  They will think that you are lazy, uninterested or will be a poor representative for their company.  And you don’t want to lose your dream job because you wore jeggings!

So, remember: spend some time contemplating your non-verbal actions along with what you plan to say and you should have an easier time rising to the top!

Suzanne Kleinberg is a Toronto based career coach and author who has provided consulting services to corporations, not-for-profit organizations and individual clients. With a B.A. in Economics from York University, Masters in Project Management and PMP certification, Kleinberg is an avid ‘career changer’, having worked in a variety of fields that include stock brokerage, advertising, television production, financial and IT.
In 2010, Kleinberg founded Potential to Soar, a unique career and talent coaching service wherein she guides new graduates, seasoned professionals and corporations, small and large, through private coaching, customized workshops and psychometric assessment tools.
Kleinberg’s books include Employee Rights and Employer Wrongs, an everyman’s guide to navigating the complex world of labour and employment law, It’s All About the Elizabeths, which introduces financial management to teens, and From Playstation to Workstation, aimed at youth starting their careers.
From Playstation® to Workstation is available in paperback via Amazon, Barnes & Noble and her website, www.potentialtosoar.com

Written by Ellen Marie Hawkins

The easiest way to describe Stolen Rhodes to someone who hasn’t heard them is to put them under the genre of classic rock.  They could fit in with the Allman Brothers or Springsteen and have your dad, or even your grandfather, scratching his head wondering why he doesn’t remember these songs.  It’s almost uncanny how a young band could capture the essence of a time period that precedes them by at least a generation, yet their other influences and experiences make them uniquely their own.  They are, after all, anything but a copycat, tribute band.

Favorites included “Blue Sky” for not only the sweeping length of the song, but the versions of love it contains-from the love between a man and a woman to the love between a parent and a child, especially as the child has reached manhood and gives his life for the country he loves.  Instead of depressing, it’s uplifting; that life, in the grand scheme of things, comes down to that one word…love.  “Beautiful Way” is absolutely gorgeous.  Gor-geous.  “Freight Train” also deserves a mention for the fact that I wanted to see one, I wanted to be on one, I wanted to be carried away every time I heard it.  And I was, at least for the five minute, twelve minute endurance of the song.

I was swept away by their romantic notions; of big dreams, endless love, and freedom.  I could also get lost in the neverending choruses just as much as the guitars and drums and keys that make this album a long jam session that I didn’t want to end.  I’m also impressed by all this album isn’t; while classic rock can often portray the political unrest, the anger, the sarcastic whining of that era, Stolen Rhodes isn’t about making a statement or getting lost in fleeting pleasures that elude happiness.  While the name of their band came from the long forgotten brand of piano that may or may not have been thieved (from them, or someone else), I like instead the image of a road they’ve “borrowed” instead.  I like the paths they’ve chosen, and better yet, I like that they’ve made this music and let me in on the journey.

Please visit www.stolenrhodes.com for more information, and be sure to download legally from a digital retailer of your choice.

Written by Ellen Marie Hawkins

This band has been around for the past fifteen years, giving them loads of experience and providing them with the wisdom to know not only what works well but when to try something new.  The End is Where We Begin has the urgency of a band that is just getting started, the freshness to appeal to the masses, and the integrity of a solid foundation.  Fifteen songs reveal a diverse and dynamic group that spans quite a spectrum; TFK can play a tender acoustic SanctusRealesque song one moment, talk it out like Manafest the next, and then throw out a Red worthy rock anthem to unite those in the room who think they may prefer one method over the other.

The Introduction to the album gives a 30 Seconds to Mars vibe, but TFK has a warning:  “If you don’t stand for something, you might fall for anything.”  While some might feel the intros and outros are unnecessary, I like that the band doesn’t leave it to cloudy perception to misinterpret what they are about.  The thirteen other songs plead their case for the side their on; take it or leave it, but your opinion of them won’t change how they feel.

Choosing a favorite is difficult; I don’t have one in this diverse yet unifying set.  “Courtesy Call” is riveting, and every time I heard it, all I could think was, “how can you listen to this and not move?”  But that’s the point.  The band is calling out for listeners to make a choice and put an end to a passive attitude, it’s not just about enjoying the music.  And their urgency never lets up; “Let the Sparks Fly,” “Fly on the Wall,” “War of Change,” “Light Up the Sky” have that same riveting earnestness.

The lyrics are just as pounding as the drums, as crunchy as the guitars, and as honest as the vocals, no matter the delivery.  Even the one song I have a love/hate relationship with, “I Get Wicked,” has one of my favorite lyrics “I am unafraid of this mountain in my way” and message of not being swayed, even when encountering resistance.  “Fly on the Wall,” on the other hand, is golden in its entirety, including the simple line, “I want to be the change” revealing that faith is not just lived, but shared.  “War of Change” speaks to the fearful me, “I want to live like I know I’m dying/Pick up my cross/Not be afraid.”  And the gorgeous, first single “Be Somebody” that starts almost as a ballad but blossoms into a rock anthem exposes a band that is completely alive and fully aware of who they are…in Christ.

Thousand Foot Krutch is now an indie band, refusing lucrative deals and deciding instead to release their music on their own terms.  The decision is just as indicative of the songs on this album as to who they are; their line isn’t made in the sand, it isn’t negotiable.  That firmness matched with their openness is very alluring.  If I wasn’t already standing on the same side as these guys (and I’m really proud that I am), I would want to, and that’s powerful.

Please visit www.thousandfootkrutch.com for more information and be sure to download legally from a retailer of your choice.

by Lauri Burns

To date, I have raised as a foster Mom 30 teens (who came to me at points of despair in their lives) and I have learned most of my ‘skills’ from hands-on experience and from my own worst nightmares.

Background information:
Growing up in Long Island, New York in an upper class Jewish family, who would have ever guessed my life was a horrific behind the scenes.  It would appear that I  had everything a kid could want: home, food, family and friends. My mom told me I was around 3 when the beatings began.  Whenever my dad was in ‘a mood’ he would come looking for me.  I was like the punching bag that most guys keep in the garage.  As a child, I believed I was a witch in a past life and that the beatings were payment for my sins. I failed to bond to people.  The abuse, coupled with the fact that no one was protecting me, solidified my belief that people could not be trusted.  I was 13 when my mom left us in search of a new life.  That was when my father’s violence escalated.  One day he began to beat me failing to notice that I had a friend in the house.  Then everything changed.

Afraid that he would get in trouble, he hid a handgun and told the police I threatened to kill him with it.  I was committed to a mental institution for the criminally insane.  I tried to kill myself several times.  In order to protect me from myself, they tied me to a bed in a straight jacket in a solitary room and kept me drugged.  By the time I was released, the damage was done. On a suicide mission, I spiraled.  I was made a ward of the court and sent from home to home.   Unable to rebound from my circumstances, I started shooting intravenous drugs at the age of 16.  The drugs helped to push the memories away.

I gave birth to my daughter when I was 19, but even my love for her couldn’t save me.  On January 5, 1987 after being arrested for prostitution several times, I was taken into the woods by two gunmen with the intention of beating and killing me.  Not being able to endure one more beating, I begged them to shoot me.  That night my life was saved by a stranger and within 24 hours I was in a safe shelter.   I believe that man was an angel.

In that safe shelter, for the first time in my life I began talking about my childhood.  I learned that I had protected my father at the price of killing myself.   Slowly but surely I began to see that I had value and that ‘maybe’ my dad was wrong.

Two years later, at the age of 26 I took in my first abused teenager.  I knew at that time this was my calling.  It was around that time that a man who really believed in me asked me this question “Lauri, Do you know the difference between you and Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Martin Luther King Jr?”   I was intrigued.  He said, they didn’t just think about doing things, they did them.  That’s it.

He also said “If you put fleas in a jar and close the cover, they will hit their heads on the lid. After a few hits they will jump short. When you release them from the jar, they will continue to jump “short.” No matter how long they’re out of the jar, they will never return to their full potential for fear of hitting their heads. Lauri, you are living your life like you are still in the jar.”

That was when I lifted the lid off my life and starting believing everything was obtainable.  I let go of all preconceived limitations. My daughter that I had when I was 19 is my best friend.   Having so many sisters over the years, when she graduated high school – she knew she wanted to help other kids that were abused.  She graduated from Columbia School of Social Work in 2009 with dual master’s degrees in Social Work and Special Education.   She now works as a teacher in a school for developmentally disabled kids.
To see the way the foster kids come to me – in many cases, broken and withdrawn and then to experience the changes as they start to come alive again is life changing for me.  I included two stories – from my kids.

STORY ABOUT A LIFE CHANGED.
I interviewed a 15 year old girl at the children’s home.  She was dressed in a black sweatshirt and she had the hood over her head so I couldn’t see her face.  She had been cutting on her arms and was severely depressed.  When I interviewed her, she said she wasn’t interested in living with a family or coming home with me.  Six months later, they called me again – they said they have not been able to place her and asked if I would just give it a try.   I was a bit reluctant due to her lack of interest in any sort of change, but I told them I would give it a try, but I really didn’t think she was ready.  When I picked her up, she was still the same, same sweatshirt!   She literally wore that dirty black sweatshirt over her clothes every day.  I had four other teen girls in my home at that time.

I have learned a lot both from my past and the experiences with other abused kids I have.  As a mom I am always dishing out positive statements to the girls because I know they so desperately need it to build their self esteem.   Especially when delivering bad news or consequences, my daughter Summer calls it “A pat and a kick”…. Bad news is always better delivered in a shiny wrapper.

So, if one of the kids doesn’t do their chore I might say, “Hey, I see you left your dish in the sink.   I’ll tell you what, if you leave it again – you are going to stay in and do extra chores on Sunday.”  Before they can respond I might say something like – that tea you chose at the store is wonderful!  You have such great taste!   It is a bit confusing for kids who are used to being yelled at or beaten to get bad news with a compliment.  You will actually see them freeze the first few times, not knowing how to respond.    It is confusing that they broke a rule and you are not mad at them.   When the rule=consequence and I still love you and I am not mad at you – it takes the fear and transference of anger out.

If they continue to tell me why so and so did it and not them.  I will continue then you will be both be grounded unfortunately… by the way – your hair looks really good this color. Did Suzie help you?   Each time they try to slip the responsibility – I reapply the consequence with a sugar coating.   I take my kids out to dinner a lot.   It is a good time to get away and talk.  We talk about life, school and family.  I teach them about the cycle of abuse and that their parents are not bad people just sick.  I also talk a lot about what Gandhi says… Being the change in the world.  In my book I talk about going from an abused child to the “change in my family” by being a stand for love, truth and forgiveness.   I have contracts for almost everything with rules – consequences and rewards.

I am sure we have all seen the parenting style where we tell our kids what they are GOING to do because WE ARE THE PARENT!   And we all know it works as well as a sinking ship. Teens, whether abused or not – are all tuned into the same channel WIIFM – What is in it for me.  My contracts all include rewards.  And as a parent if I commit to something I follow through.  I also sign the contract myself and let them know – I will be MY WORD and will honor any commitment I make to you.

When this little girl entered my home she was very shy.  She spent a lot of time in her room.  I tend not to push people out of their comfort zone.   Respect is important for all ages, especially teens.  If you respect them, they will respect you.    I could get her to come out if we were leaving the house to eat, go the gym or shop.  So, I used those opportunities.
Kids will test you, especially abused kids.   It was a few months after she moved in with us that she came out of the bathroom with pink hair.  I knew she expected a rise out of me.  I tend to “under react”.    Truth be told, for all I’ve been through – there is not much they can do to get a jolt out of me.  I smiled and said, “You know… that looks really cool!  It actually brings out the color in your cheeks… I love it!”   She said, “Really…?” and tilted her head to see if I was kidding.  I affirmed, I really think that is one of the coolest colors I have ever seen and it work on you!   She smiled shyly and put her head down.

The girls and I will never forget the day she walked out of her bedroom with a pink shirt on.   We were all too nervous to bring attention to it for fear that she would return to her room and grab her black sweatshirt again, but let me just say – everyone noticed!   There was a hum of excitement in the air.

Over time, she came out of her shell.  She was 16 when she told me that she dreamt of being a Fashion Designer.  She said she got her first sewing machine when she was 12 and she showed me an old newspaper clipping of a woman who went to FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising).  She had been carrying it around all these years!

Last week at a Teen Project event, she spoke to 150 people from the podium.  She said, “I moved in with Lauri when I was 15.   I never got to know my real mom.”  I was standing up there next to her and I could feel the pressure in my throat and my eyes started to water.  It kills me the sadness that these kids endure….  “When I told Lauri about my dream to go to FIDM, I didn’t think she would go for it.  It’s a private school.  I thought she would make me go to community college.”  Then she looked down shyly and smiled I just graduated from FIDM and I work in Los Angeles as an Assistant Fashion Designer.  I am living a dream life.   I just moved in with my best friend and I have the best life ever.    Then she looked and me and looked away really quick when she saw the tears in my eyes.   She said, “Lauri is my mom.  I never would have made it without her and I love her”  That is when we both broke, makeup dripping and all….

She is an amazing incredible bright light!  You would never recognize her if you knew her before.  She is completely transformed.

ANOTHER STORY FROM MY BOOK – PUNISHED FOR PURPOSE
REWARD:  HEALING HEARTS TOGETHER
It was 2am in the morning.  I heard a noise in the hall bathroom.  At the time, I had five teen girls living with me.  Unaware of what is happening, I avoided turning on the light.  As I reached the bathroom, Rita came into view.  Her body was drenched with sweat; her hair was pressed against her face. She was screaming and banging her head against the wall with an intensity that it hurt me to witness, I rushed to her. When she saw me she screamed out, “WHY?!!!!  Why did my mother leave me? Those men hurt me!  I can’ sleep!  They’re here again!  She slammed her head against the wall over and over again. All of a sudden I am twelve again. I am in the bathroom; my dad is at the door. I remember the pain of my head hitting the tile floor over and over again…. Bang! Bang! Bang!  I am shaking. Having processed no thought of what to do next, I am catapulted back into the bathroom with Rita. And I have an innate awareness of what to do next…

Do not turn on the light, scary…no light…talk quietly…no big noises……Do not touch…Touch is scary…I quietly whisper into the darkness. “I am here with you sweetie…it is okay now…the bad man is gone… We are on the other side now…no more hurt honey…no more bad people here…Please don’t hurt Rita anymore…” The creaking of a door behind me interrupted the intensity of the moment. My eyes now adjusted, I turned my head. I see Mary quietly tiptoeing from her room. Her large eyes tell me she is scared.  I put my finger over my lips as if to say, shhhh. Now Yvette is coming. Quietly they collapse to the floor, falling into the darkness by Rita. The only sound is Rita’s heavy rhythmic, breathing. She is rocking back and forth slowly with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs and her head tucked between her knees. The girls gently put their hands on Rita and they too begin to cry. They are hugging each other. Rita lets out a soft cry and hugs them in return.

Although the small room still remained dark that night, the light in the room was undeniably brilliant as we walked together out of the darkness. Wiping the tears from Rita’s face, we all stood up together and walked downstairs.  Although I don’t normally encourage smoking, this is one night I would let the mountains be mountains and the little things lie. As they sat in the garage, passing the cigarette around with their wet faces, I closed my eyes and thanked God.

Thank you God for letting me be twelve again, thank you God for my father. Thank you for my little bathroom so long ago, for it is in the pain of my childhood that I have been blessed with the power to take the hand of a child who is in the darkness; and lead them out. Thank you for having me go before them and showing me the way out…
I realize now I was never being punished for sins in a past life, but rather prepared for the work I would do in this life.  I have the most amazing life imaginable!  I wouldn’t trade it with anyone.  It is the memories from the darkest times of my life that I must draw from to help the children that enter my door.

I write a lot about the methodology for growing a community that cares in my book.    I always imagined there was a reason that I was in technology and a foster mom, although they seemed so far removed from each other.   In the end of my book I wrote, I believe that someday my two lives will merge and I will use technology to reach kids regardless of location.  At the time, I had no idea how.  About two years ago we created a national online shelter database and replicated it through Myspace and Facebook, but I knew there was more.
Last March a brilliant developer that works for me at Northrop Grumman and one of his friends decided they were going to help me.  The proposed a text service where a homeless youth could text SHELTER and their ZIP to 99000 and they could use an algorithm to return the closest shelter with 40 seconds.  They said they could do it for under 10k.  I was thinking GREAT!  But where do we get the money?   The very next day, a letter came in from the Harry Joe Brown Foundation… It said, Sorry we forgot you last year.  We are sending 10k for last year and 10k for this coming year; use it where you need it most.  Every since I founded The Teen Project in 2007 this is how things happen!

I have spoken at over 200 venues in the past five years to tell my story and the stories of my children.   People have always said to me, “You should write a book!”   At the time I thought, when would I ever find the time… ?

Then one day it hit me… In my one hour speech, I inspired people with “our story” but I was barely scraping the iceberg about HOW it happened.   If I could tell the exact details of how I transformed and went on to transform my kids… then I could reach abused kids and parents struggling with their own teens all over the world!  I started writing.. two years later, I held the book in my hand – Punished for Purpose from out of the darkness came a powerful healing light.    And of course… 75% of the proceeds go to the kids.

Lauri Burns is a corporate executive at a Fortune 100 company, an inspirational speaker, a mother to over thirty troubled foster children (drugs, prostitution, cutters, eating disorders and behavioral disorders) and the founder of The Teen Project, for homeless youth, which she established in response to her overwhelming feeling that no matter how many teens she fostered, it was never enough. She is a part of Oprah’s Angel Network and has been approached by multiple networks for a feature, movie rights and pilot show.  It is her dream that no teen should ever be without a safe home or a family