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Fear Is Not Your Friend
From the Editors of Girl World Daily
Ah, fear. Whether it’s about acing a final exam, talking to your crush or hitting your parents up for a later curfew, the one thing that can throw you into a tailspin is fear. It’s a powerful emotion, but we’ll walk you through some ways to say, “Hey, fear! You don’t scare me!”
“I have to do a class presentation, and it counts as a big part of my grade. I’m totally nervous.”
Fear Tactic: Feel it!
Don’t fight it. If you want to shake the jitters, give in to ’em a little. As you prepare for the big day, whenever you feel a wave of fear come over you, feel the discomfort of it. Fear multiplies and super-sizes when you resist it, but feeling the fear allows it to move through you (buh-bye). Then make it a point to have fun putting together that project — and carry that positive vibe into the classroom.
“I’m going to a party with my crush, and I’m freaked out because his ex-girlfriend is going to be there. Help!”
Fear Tactic: Face it!
This is a good time to get in front of the mirror and give yourself a pep talk. Get grounded in your confidence and don’t carry with you any icky feelings, such as jealousy or insecurity. Be your absolute best self at the party, and boldly but humbly confront the face of fear by introducing yourself to the ex-GF. Just smile, make eye contact and warmly say, “It’s so nice to meet you.” Was that so bad? Now enjoy the par-tay!
“I want to hit up my parents for more allowance, but I’m scared to even approach them about it.”
Fear Tactic: Forget it!
We’re not telling you to give up on your dream of getting your parents to pad your allowance (or whatever privilege you want). But we are telling you to stop thinking about it so much. Overanalysis can cause emotional paralysis. So just tuck this subject away in the back of your mind. The next time you see an opportunity — that is, when your parents have their guard down and you’re feeling particularly brave — just take a deep breath, walk up and just ask.
“I’m trying out for an all-girls ice hockey league, and I’m so afraid I won’t make the cut.”
Fear Tactic: Flip it!
The thing about fear is that it often feels very similar to another emotion: excitement! Is your heart racing? Is your brow sweaty? Shift your thinking from being afraid to being totally geared up for an awesome challenge! So what if you don’t make tryouts? You enjoyed yourself in the meantime. Now you can spend time improving your ice skills, or you can take up another activity. It’s entirely up to you; life is an adventure for the fearless!
Written by Devin Miller, Relate Contributing Writer
Your favorite couple is going through a tough time, and both sides are seeking your advice. All of a sudden your cell phone beeps non-stop with text messages explaining what happened; both stories a little different, of course.
When you are close friends with the guy and the girl in a broken relationship, many times you inevitably end up as the man in the middle. While it’s nice knowing that both sides are asking for your help, being the middle man can cause unfixable damage with one wrong move.
Learn how to be there for both of your friends without burning any bridges, or in this case, friendships.
1) Just listen. “Be an open ear, not a decision maker.” While it may seem that you are deeply involved in the situation, it is not up to you to make any decisions. When your friend asks for your thoughts on the situation, don’t talk badly about the other person because they WILL find out. Even though you may feel weird not joining in on your friend’s rant, don’t worry- he or she is relieved just to get the chance to vent.
2) Lay down the laws. Before talking to either of your friends, be sure to set your boundaries. Holly Savoy, a licensed psychologist, suggests letting one party know about the other’s effort to contact him or her while refraining from giving any details. You don’t want one of your friends telling the other, “Well, (your name) told me you said…”
3) Stay Neutral. “It is natural to feel a sense of loyalty to someone you have known longer, or have felt closer to, but staying neutral can be the best way to maintain a friendship,” Savoy said in a CNN article. Taking sides may lead to regret in the future. Young couples often disagree, break-up, work things out and get back together. If your friends start dating again, one half of the relationship may not want your friendship any longer. Let your friends know that you are there for both of them, and only want the best for their relationship.
4) Opt out. Never feel obligated to get involved in the situation. If you want to avoid being caught in a sticky situation, suggest that they confide in someone else. The truth is, the problem is the couple’s responsibility, and in the long run it will be up to them to work things out.
It is easy to get caught up in the gossip and drama, but both of those can easily destroy a friendship. While you will want to be there for both of your friends, your best bet will be staying neutral and unbiased.
I have really high standards for guys. I want a boyfriend that could essentially become my husband. I want him to be a gentleman, a christian, smart, funny, athletic… I have a whole long list. Are my standards too high??
No, no, no, no, no! No, your standards are not too high! In fact, I give you major props for setting such high standards! It is very important for a girl to establish what it is she wants in a guy and then to stick to it. Oftentimes, a girl will want a boyfriend so bad that she will compromise what she truly wants, and in the long run she ends up hurt and unhappy. Waiting for the perfect guy to come along in much better in the long run.
A boyfriend is a serious thing, even for girls that are into casual dating. Boyfriends and the way they treat you help shape who you are and how you view guys as an adult. Boyfriends are also many times responsible for convincing girls to do more physical things than a girl is ready for. Not enough can be said for making sure that any guy a girl dates 100% meets her standards–and those standards should be set high. Now, if a girl were to set standards on superficial things, like the way a guy looks, the car he drives, where he lives, etc. that would be a different story. But, we are talking about real standards about the character of a guy. The standards you set are actually at the core of who you are and what make you, you.
The funny thing about standards is that they always get met–just not always in our timing. God has put those standards on your heart and given you the wisdom to realize their importance. They are not to be taken lightly! God has your future husband already picked out for you, and guess what? He meets all of your standards!
And one more thing to think about…would it really be fair to a guy that doesn’t meet your standards, that you know won’t be right for you, to date him? This guy could totally fall for you and all along you know he isn’t the one. So, while you must be fair to yourself, you must also be fair to the guys. And settling or compromising isn’t fair to them because you know it won’t last. Playing with someone’s emotions or using them to meet a temporary need is not the right thing to do.
Just remember that finding the perfect guy is not an easy task. You must be patient and wait for God’s timing. He will connect you with the right guy for you and you will be glad you didn’t compromise. In the meantime, be happy being single and watch and learn from the couples around you (young and old). Mr. Perfect is in your future!