Why Are Girls So Mean To Each Other?

Written by Debra Beck

Have you noticed the difference between how girls treat each other as opposed to how boys treat each other? Girls’ insecurities prevent them from having really close relationships with most girls. When I talk to teenage girls, it seems to be the one topic that causes them the most anxiety. It comes up time and time again how they have to adjust their personality, walk on egg shells, not voice their feelings- so they don’t get shunned and have vicious rumors spread about them from other girl’s.

I remember girls being snotty, but not vicious.

One question that came up in one of my girls circles was, “I have this sort-of friend that is my friend one week and then she is someone else’s best friend the next week. She really doesn’t treat me well, but if I tell her why I don’t want to be her friend, she will shun me and spread vicious rumors that aren’t true and ruin my reputation. How do I walk away from unhealthy relationships without those consequences?”

Here are 5 ways to protect your self from unhealthy friendships:

1. Be yourself and set good boundaries around the way your friends treat you. If you are hanging around with mean girls, ask yourself why? It could be that your self-esteem needs some attention.

2. Start saying NO to things that aren’t good for you. It automatically makes you feel better about who you are.

3. Eliminating those girls, it leaves room for better friends to come in. Don’t be afraid to tell a friend that you don’t like the way she is treating you. If her response is something to the effect of “Whatever, get over it” ask yourself if you want a friend that doesn’t care about your feelings…Probably not!

4. The more you take care of yourself, the more confidence you have, the better you feel about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident you are and the more likely you will make better decisions. Then, you will start attracting friends that treat you better.

5. And last but not least, make sure you’re not a mean girl. If you are treating other girls poorly, ask yourself: “If I was in her shoes, would I like being treated that way?” If not, see how you can change your actions to be a better friend.


For the next few weeks, start looking at your current relationships and make some healthy choices in the friend department. Ask yourself  questions regarding each friend.

Is this a friendship that is making me feel good, and do I deserve more?

Am I the type of friend that I would want to have? Be really honest with yourself. Be the friend you want as a friend.

Debra Beck, Author of My Feet Aren’t Ugly, A Girl’s Guide To Loving Herself From The Inside Out