5 Facts About Bullying So We Can Move Beyond Judgment and Fear

By Nicky Rolland- Spiritual Teacher and Author

sad girlsMost of us will be bullied, bully or watch someone be bullied at some point over the course of our life. It often happens in childhood, like it did for one of my daughters, but it can also happen in adulthood, like it did for me. However, when we are honest with ourselves and understand what bullying really is, we realize that the bullying syndrome is something that we each collude with every day, in some form or another. Bullying will continue to plague our lives, as long as we continue to point fingers and accuse, rather than take responsibility for the part we each play in propagating the bully pattern.

FACT 1: Bullying is all about playing with power

Bullying happens when someone attempts to take someone else’s power. So long as there is an equitable give and take of power, the play is fair- I take from you, you take from me- at the end of the game neither has compromised their power. However, it becomes unfair when one person, abuses his/her power and takes more than the other person is willing to take back in return. This happens when one party is more vulnerable, for whatever reason, than the other person.

As conscious people it is our responsibility to manage our own power and to not take advantage of situations where we seemingly hold more power than others- As parents, bosses, teachers, family bread earners, as government officials….we each find ourselves in situations where we have the opportunity to abuse our power or not.

Fact 2: People are hungry for power

The pursuit for power becomes an addiction when we look for it outside of ourselves. We do this when we believe that the constructs of the ego such as wealth, status, titles, or other confer power and define who we are.  When we do that, we live in a place of lack, and fear. We believe we do not intrinsically have within us all we need to thrive. As a result, we believe we need to take from others.

Managing our ego- learning to honor it for the positive role it plays in our life while understanding that it does not define who we are is key. When we are connected to who we truly are, we realize that power comes from within.  We all have access to the same power.

The belief that power comes from outside of us is the root of the whole bully syndrome. True Power comes from within

Part of my spiritual journey involved experiencing what it felt like to release the ego. That was a time I became very vulnerable. Today, my ego is back in my life- but no longer as a controlling tyrant but rather as a loyal pet- a pet that knows when it is needed, and when it is not.

Fact 3: Power hungry people prey on the vulnerable

People who are hungry for power will take advantage of those more vulnerable and exposed. They may or may not realize what they are doing.

In my experience as a mother, I experienced teachers bullying students, parents bullying children, children bullying parents, parents bullying parents, parents bullying teachers….

As conscious adults we need to be aware of our power. As we become more conscious and more loving, we feel more powerful. In reality we do not hold more power, we simply become aware of the power we already carry.

As we become more conscious, we become aware of our own unlimited pool of internal power

Fact 4: There is no need to finger point

If we want to get over the, all too often, debilitating consequences of the bully syndrome, we need to each take responsibility, and be honest about how we collude with it. It all starts with embracing our inner bully and understanding the role it plays in our life. Like our ego, our inner bully needs to be managed. Our bully makes things happen in our life, but it can easily get out of control. As we honor that part of ourselves- we are much less likely to bully, be bullied or witness bullying.  We need to release judgment here.

Fact 5: There is a solution to the bully syndrome

As long as we continue to believe that we do not have all the power we need already within us, there will be bullies. As long as we feel we are not worthy enough to manage our own power, there will be victims. Once we realize that we are all equal, there will be no more need to bully and there will be no more need to be bullied. The fact is, we are all bullies at times, we are all victims at times and we are all witnesses at times.

Summary

We cannot prevent others from committing horrible crimes of violence that take bullying to the extreme but, in small and very meaningful ways, we can each begin by taking responsibility for the way in which the bullying pattern plays out in our life.  As more and more of us release fear, step into our power, listen to our heart, we learn to rely on our own resources to shine our light as bright as we can.

Nicky Rolland is a spiritual teacher and author. She just released Stepping Into Consciousness: A Guide to Living A Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance which can be purchased on Amazon. Nicky holds a Bachelor in Commerce from Concordia University. She completed her medicine wheel training with the Four Winds Society, and studied directly with international Shaman Alberto Villoldo. More information about Nicky and her programs can be found on www.nickyrolland.com and on her new radio show – “On Line with Nicky Rolland”.

Love’s Voice

Love’s Voice

by Pat Kammer

talkLove’s Voice does not discriminate. The Voice speaks to everyone, and The Voice speaks through anyone who is open to allowing it to happen. It took me a long time to figure this out.

 

I had been searching for meaning to life’s mysteries from the time I was twelve. I was on this quest mostly because of my fears of hell and damnation. I had been taught to believe in a scornful and judging God who punished us if we were bad, and who might allow us into heaven if we were good. It seemed I was doomed. No matter how hard I tried, I kept tripping myself up with what I assumed displeased God. It never occurred to me that I really had no idea what was good and what was bad. It didn’t cross my mind that we all have a different version of this depending on where we live in the world, what cultural background we have — and which book we follow.

 

I finally put my fear on the back burner to simmer while I got on with my life. Finding a way to live in the world was my main focus; however, my search for truth continued off and on throughout my whole life.

 

Many of you are afraid of the future, and a number of you have had a miserable past. Everyone has a story to tell, some worse than others. There are abuses, traumas, bullying, and injustices. It seems life can be the pits, especially if you listen to the complaining most people do. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Love’s Voice teaches you who you are in the scheme of life, and knowing this with certainty can make all the difference. I wish I had known this when I was a teen. It would have made my life a whole lot easier. Being empowered and having choices was not a part of my thinking.

 

Knowing who you really are, and not what you think you are, makes you invincible. It gives you a sense of wonderful possibilities. Instability and uncertainty, on the other hand, would keep you in fear.

 

HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE VOICE

The Voice guides and directs you. The One behind the Voice protects you and fills your needs. How do you hear what the Voice is saying to you? You must tune in much as you would tune in to a radio or TV station. Of course it helps if you believe you have this Voice inside you.

 

I call the Voice Spirit. Spirit has become my best Friend. I can talk to Spirit in the same way I would chat with any best friend. This best friend has all the answers and speaks with gentle authority.

 

The Voice is one with you, and at first you may doubt it is really Spirit. You may think it all phoney until you try it. Your mind is a split mind. One part is the Voice of Love, and one part  is the small ego mind. The ego mind feels it needs to be in competition with others. It needs to be better and is afraid it won’t measure up. The ego mind is uncertain and in fear all of the time. It has a need to be number one and be right. Being wrong is not cool. And looking wrong is really not cool. Only when you let fear go and listen to Spirit’s Voice will things change.

 

We are surrounded with so many voices all claiming to be right, all claiming they are the only way. These voices are on every TV and radio, on ipads and iphones and computers. The world is full of opinions. The confusion that comes with this ends when you learn the only safe place to get true information is inside yourself.

 

Spirit, please speak to us.

 

My Voice is easy to recognize. You can’t miss My gentle loving certainty. Nor can you miss My authoritative tone. My Voice never blames or tries to discourage you. Instead I gently ask, “What do you want? What is your heart’s desire? And what fear comes up that would stop you?”

I Am able to take care of all your fears. What are they? No money? Responsibilities? People trying to dissuade you? Circumstances interfering with your dreams? These are all excuses, legitimate though they may appear to be. What if I were to take care of all excuses, if all the blocks were to evaporate, and all you need to do is release your fear enough to say, “Okay. I want this. Show me how.” Would you go forward step by step with Me at your side?

 

Willingness. That’s all it takes. Just willingness, and absolutely knowing what you want without changing your mind. It means relinquishing your fear, leaving the details to Me, and following directions. Ask Me to make the crooked straight, to solve all problems, to close the doors that are wrong for you, and open wide the ones that are in your best interest.

 

Remember your hidden talents are inside you ready to blossom. You have been given the desire; it didn’t get inside your heart by accident. It was put there by Me. I don’t make mistakes with your welfare. I don’t change My Mind about you.

 

The best way to tune into Me is to ask a question and listen for the answer. To start with ask a question that will absolutely be answered so you know how you receive answers. You may not hear a voice; you may see a vision or feel an inspiring feeling or experience Me in any of a multitude of ways that connect with a love vibration. Ask, “Am I loved?” and then wait for a second or two, write down what comes to you. Notice how you connect. Is it a voice, a vision, a feeling etc.? This will show you the way you personally connect with Me. Ask other questions like “What do I need to know today?” Journaling and meditating are great ways to get used to communicating with Me. Gradually you will trust My Voice and how you can communicate with It anytime, anywhere.

 

I want all people on the planet to know that they are all loved unconditionally. I never judge you. I never make you feel little or ashamed. You are my innocent children all finding your way in the school house called life. You are the Divine One . You are a part of Me and I am a part of you. We are One. How could I ever judge you or find fault with you, my perfect child? You are finding your perfection within you. You are One with your brother, One with your sister. Your importance is too great to be measured. There is no separation from Me or from each other. Therefore there is no need for competition or specialness, nor striving for greatness. Love one another because you are all loved unconditionally.

Lift Up Your Eyes

Lift Up Your Eyes

by Kelsia Lynette Barkman

Driving along, watching the yellow lines stretch out in front of me, taking in the deep blue sky without a cloud in sight…lovely surroundings.
My heart should’ve been singing, my lips smiling and praising God. I should’ve been excited about life and wanting to embrace it, instead I felt like giving up. My heart was heavy.

Walking along, watching the gravel stones blur beneath my feet as tears run down my cheeks, struggling to be strong…the sun is radiant, the sky is stretched out in blue but my heart is heavy.

Laying in the still of the night with my head down and tears coarsing down and soaking my pillow, wanting to hold on to the things I love and not wanting to give up…I feel the weight of a heavy heart.
At the dusk of eve and sitting outside, clinging tight to the sweetness of today and not wanting to embrace the newness of and challenges of tomorrow…I cry again.

It is in these moments when He speaks, “Lift up your eyes. I am your strength and hope. I see your tears. I feel your pain. I love you with overflowning love.”

In these moments, don’t give up. Lift up your eyes, you may face challenges, sorrows, tears and trials; but know this, you will never face them alone.

Who Are You Listening To?

Who Are You Listening To?

by Crystal Kelly

sitting under tree, listeningJohn 5:31-32 (NIV) If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid. There is another who testifies in my favor, and I know that His testimony about me is valid.

The word testimony is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as a firsthand authentication as a fact. John 5:31-32 are the words of Christ Himself. He knew that man’s testimony would only be based on outward appearances and not on heart facts. Besides that Christ knew that man’s mind was in a fractured state so any opinion or declarations made by man were likely to change. Jesus understood who He was and where He came from. He understood that God’s testimony about Him was the only one He needed to validate His life and His purpose.

Why don’t we all follow in Jesus’ footsteps? We are in a process of continual growth to have ourselves defined by mistakes through growth is a false testimony. Instead of lending our eyes and ears to what man has to say about us, let us fall on our knees before God and receive His testimony about our lives. God’s plans for us are still being unveiled. We are a masterpiece in the working. As I heard a great woman say, “Masterpieces take time so there’s no hurry”. There is no hurry only precious time spent between you and your God.

Allow God’s love to pull you from beneath the testimonies of man and into His everlasting light. For in His light you will be able to see your true reflection. The beautiful individual God has created you to be. The more you listen to the testimony of man about your life the more you will shape your purpose towards man’s expectations, which are constantly changing from day to day. God has a set course for your life and He will lead you into everything you need. If God has ordained it or spoken it over your life you will succeed. Start today by closing your ears to what man has to say about you and open up your heart to hear what God has to say and keep it before you daily. Write it down and look at it every day it will become more and more real to you as you allow God to lead.

God Knows What He Is Doing

God Knows What He Is Doing

God Knows What He Is Doing“Honor your father and mother”-which is the first commandment with a promise-“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (NIV Ephesians 6:2-3)

This is a profound statement and a promise from God. God is truth, so whatever he requires with a promise is sure to come to pass. In life sometimes the boundaries your parents set will seem hard, unfair and just not cool. There is something that you need to know and that is God already knew in advance what you would need to become the successful soldiers and warriors in Him. God has worked out everything to ensure your success and not your failure. God has placed you in the exact right place at the exact right time. God does not make mistakes and He is definitely not unfair.

Your parents are part of God’s plan for your life. Your parents are just another shield of God’s safety net that is meant to cover you and keep you from harm. Your parents are the first voices of wisdom you will encounter. Be sure to listen and honor God by honoring your parents. God has shined so much light on the important role parents play in your life that it was the very first commandment He gave with a promise. If God has placed such a high value on your parents should not you as well. You cannot live to please God and yet ignore the very tools He has placed in your life to help you along the way.

Take time out to receive the promise God has set into motion for your obedience. Practice following this commandment and see the promise come alive in your life. There are many people who live long life on the earth but in the promise God has set forth it records “that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” It is not just enough to live but God has promised that you would enjoy the life you live. Honor your parents.

Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?

By Shannon Hembree

Mother Daughter

Mother Daughter

http://www.sxc.hu/photo/378347

You’re screaming, you’re crying, you’re writing in your diary about how your mom will never understand you. A song like “Jar of Hearts” is playing while you’re in the car with your mom. You look at her and wonder if she gets it – if she understands that listening to that song is like having your life laid bare in the lyrics. She doesn’t even notice. She just keeps going on and on about your latest math test. She used to understand you – talk to you – listen to you. What happened?

The relationship between mothers and daughters is always complex, oftentimes turbulent, and sometimes downright explosive. When girls are young, they want to tell their moms everything – from their favorite color to who their best friend is.

Somewhere along the line that changes. Part of it is that girls grow up and start learning how to be more independent. For many girls, it is also about thinking that their mom won’t understand them, might judge them, or be disappointed in them. From a mom’s point of view, it could be sheer terror, because moms have been teenage girls before and know how hard it can be. They also know the many awful mistakes you can make, because while they might not admit it, they no doubt made a lot of them. Whatever the reason, the chasm between moms and daughters can seem to stretch on forever.

There was a story in the news recently that highlighted this communication gap. This story talked about how some moms think the Twilight series is a bad influence on their daughters and that Bella is a bad role model. Teenage girls, of course, had a lot to say about that.

So how do moms and daughters find a middle ground – on Twilight or anything else? Disagreements or misunderstandings can often be sorted out when both moms and daughters are given a chance to explain their position and when they also listen – really listen – to what the other has to say. Teens come into contact with bad role models every day (It’s hard to believe that Bella is the biggest one out there). The best moms can hope for is not that teens are shielded from all of them – that would be impossible – but that teens are well grounded enough to make the right decisions in spite of them.

That’s a mom’s job – to teach their kids right from wrong, fact from fiction, and how to deal with real-life bad role models and situations. Then they have to trust that they did it right and let go. It’s a daughter’s job to learn from what their mom tells them and to take the time to talk to their mom rather than keeping her in the dark about everything. When you keep moms in the dark, all it does is make them more paranoid, which doesn’t do anyone any good!

So the next time your mom gets mad at you for something, gets suspicious about something, or disagrees with one of your choices, stop for a second and take a deep breath. Ask your mom if she will just hear you out – really hear you out – and then make your case. Then listen to your mom’s side – yes, really listen. The two of you won’t walk away totally agreeing on everything, but you just might learn a little about each other and come up with a solution that works for the both of you. It’s certainly better than trying to navigate the perils of your teenage years without her.